"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them." –Marilyn Monroe
May 30, 2012
I'm tired
I'm so tired of trying to be happy when everything keeps going so wrong. I just want everything to be right for once so I could be happy for more than an hour.
May 29, 2012
Goddammit
I fall for it EVERY TIME. Thanks for lying to me. When you lie about one thing makes me wonder what else you're lying about. I'm trying not to let it get to me but I don't know how much longer I can go on. You think I don't know but I have my ways of finding things out. Only a little bit longer do I have to act like it is not bothering me.
I Try
I try every time someone gives me a compliment to listen and take it in but I just can't. I don't feel that way. I don't do it for attention I do it cause I really don't feel that way. Really wish I didn't feel that way and could take in compliments but I just can't.
May 26, 2012
Uhm....
You Just Don't Understand, And I'm Scared To Tell You. I Wish You Didn't Just Stop Randomly, Makes Me Feel Like I Did Something Wrong.
May 24, 2012
May 23, 2012
Life, Why Is It So...Ugh??
You don't even know how much this hurts me. I just don't know what else to do. It sucks when you want to do something so bad but you're scared and when you try to explain you feel so pathetic and weak. I wish I could just say "I want to be with him" and I'd be there but life doesn't work that way. It takes courage to do what we want to do and when I can't do one simple thing it makes me feel even more pathetic. And what makes me feel even more pathetic is saying all this stuff like what I want to do and blah blah blah, I don't want to come across as a person that's all talk, cause I'm not. When I say I want something I'll get it if I work hard enough and when I say I want to do something I'll end up doing it eventually. Patience is going to play a big role in this, and trust and believing. I JUST WISH I COULD FOLLOW YOU HOME ONE DAY AND SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY AND NIGHT WITH YOU. Being in your arms would mean the world to me. Why do I have to be so scared? All I want is for you to be happy, happy with me, happy with what what we have. I want you to be afraid of losing me, cause I know I don't want to lose you. I hope you aren't mad or hurt by this.
May 21, 2012
I'm Sorry
I just want you to be happy. I don't care about anything else. If you aren't happy, I'm not. I want to be able to do anything to make you happy, because that's all I want at the end of the day. Know I made you happy.
May 16, 2012
Sorry I Am Not Perfect.
My grades need to be higher.
My weight needs to be lower.
My stomach needs to be flatter.
My skin needs to be tanner.
My heart needs to be stronger.
My friends need to be ugly.
My face needs to be prettier.
My hair needs to be longer.
My skirt needs to be shorter.
My body needs to be hotter.
My image needs to be cooler.
My boobs need to be bigger.
My waist needs to be smaller.
Society really knows how to make me feel like shit.
you know my name...not my story
Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room and cried, how many times I've lost hope, how many times I've been let down. Nobody knows how many times I've had to hold back the tears, how many times I've felt like I'm about to snap but don't just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that have gone through my head whenever I'm sad, and how horrible they really are. When I cry about one thing, I cry about everything that's wrong. What's the point? Cause in the end they'll judge me anyways so whatever.
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May 12, 2012
Such A Shame
You probably don't even know that you're the person I'm giving up on. Not going to try until I see you're trying, tired of being the only one. This is always how people end things with me, cause it was going great and then bam ya act like you've stopped caring and trying. I've been hurt one too many times to fall for it again. Cause if I stop trying I know you won't try but in my world things work both ways.
May 9, 2012
Everything So Low That You Can Drown In The Puddle
I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both us
Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us
Ever thought about losing it?
When your money is all gone and you lose your whip
You might lose your grip
When the landlord tell you that you're due for rent
And the grass so green on the other side
Make a ****** wanna run straight through the fence
Open up the fridge about 20 times
But still can't find no food in it
That's foolishness
And sometimes I wonder
All we care so much about the way we look
And the way we talk, and the way we act
And the clothes we bought, how much they cost?
Does it even really matter?
Cause if life is an uphill battle,
We all try to climb on the same old ladder
In the same boat with the same old paddle
Why so shallow, I'm just asking
What's the pattern to the madness?
Everybody in a #1 draft pick
Most of us aint Hollywood actors
But if it's all for one, and one for all
Then maybe one day we all can ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
Sincerely yours, from one of y'all
I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both us
Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us
I can feel your pain,
I can feel your struggle
You just want to live
But everything so low,
That you can drown in the puddle
That's why I gotta hold us up
Yeah hold us up
For all the times no one ever spoke for us
So every single time that they play this song
You can say that, "that's what Bobby Ray wrote for us"
When his eyes get too high
And the sea up underneath get so deep
And you feel like you're just another person
Getting lost in the crowd
Way up high in the nosebleeds (Uh)
Because we've both been there
Yeah both of us
But we still stand tall
With our shoulders up
And even though we always against the odds
These are the things that have molded us
And if life hadn't chosen us
Sometimes I wonder
Where I would have wound up
Casuse if it was up to me
I would make a new blueprint
Then build it from the ground up
Hey, but if its all for one
And One for all
Then maybe one day
We all could ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
From Bobby Ray to all of y'all
I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both us
Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us
Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us
Ever thought about losing it?
When your money is all gone and you lose your whip
You might lose your grip
When the landlord tell you that you're due for rent
And the grass so green on the other side
Make a ****** wanna run straight through the fence
Open up the fridge about 20 times
But still can't find no food in it
That's foolishness
And sometimes I wonder
All we care so much about the way we look
And the way we talk, and the way we act
And the clothes we bought, how much they cost?
Does it even really matter?
Cause if life is an uphill battle,
We all try to climb on the same old ladder
In the same boat with the same old paddle
Why so shallow, I'm just asking
What's the pattern to the madness?
Everybody in a #1 draft pick
Most of us aint Hollywood actors
But if it's all for one, and one for all
Then maybe one day we all can ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
Sincerely yours, from one of y'all
I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both us
Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us
I can feel your pain,
I can feel your struggle
You just want to live
But everything so low,
That you can drown in the puddle
That's why I gotta hold us up
Yeah hold us up
For all the times no one ever spoke for us
So every single time that they play this song
You can say that, "that's what Bobby Ray wrote for us"
When his eyes get too high
And the sea up underneath get so deep
And you feel like you're just another person
Getting lost in the crowd
Way up high in the nosebleeds (Uh)
Because we've both been there
Yeah both of us
But we still stand tall
With our shoulders up
And even though we always against the odds
These are the things that have molded us
And if life hadn't chosen us
Sometimes I wonder
Where I would have wound up
Casuse if it was up to me
I would make a new blueprint
Then build it from the ground up
Hey, but if its all for one
And One for all
Then maybe one day
We all could ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
From Bobby Ray to all of y'all
I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both us
Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us
May 8, 2012
May 7, 2012
Broken..
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on,
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on,
I'm barely holdin' on to you
May 6, 2012
I Dunno...
I dunno what to do. It hurts. The more time I spend with you the more I want you and the harder it gets to say goodbye. Why does this happen to me? I just wanna be happy not broken. I guess trying to stay strong is the only thing I can do. Put on a smile. Make everything seem okay..
May 4, 2012
Today Is Never Too Late To Be Brand New
I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything
And everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent,
You're still an innocent.
Did some things you can't speak of
But at night you live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you would seen what you know now then
Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
When everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep
Before the monsters caught up to you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did.
You're still an innocent.
Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too
Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never too late to be brand new
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.
Lost your balance on a tightrope.
It's never too late to get it back.
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything
And everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent,
You're still an innocent.
Did some things you can't speak of
But at night you live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you would seen what you know now then
Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
When everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep
Before the monsters caught up to you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did.
You're still an innocent.
Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too
Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never too late to be brand new
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.
Lost your balance on a tightrope.
It's never too late to get it back.
May 3, 2012
Safe&Sound
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound
Don't you dare look out your window darling
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when the music's gone
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound
Don't you dare look out your window darling
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when the music's gone
May 2, 2012
May 1, 2012
Honesty..
I just want you, that's it.
All of your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm.
Everything.
I just want you.
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