Life or My Life?

it's kind of hard to find a happy place when every night i sit in one place, my room. what do i do in here. nothing but think, think about what it would be life if i wasn't here. what people would really think of me. i think about everything. i swear that i'm a two faced person. i act one way to 'protect' me when i think it actually hurts me. and when i try to be happy i don't know what to think of other than the fact that i have some friends, and i guess family. i don't even know if i really am happy at school with friends or if it's pretend. i'm so used to fake smiles or whatever. now i do know i have times when i am happy but then it doesn't last long. i just don't know who i am anymore. more and more things keep getting worse and all i hear is 'it will get better' that might be true but i'm tired of hearing it. all i want to do is cry, cry until i don't have anymore tears to cry.